BINARY TAXI by Dahlia Bloomstone
Setting
It’s dark outside–almost 9pm near Hudson Yards. There is light from the Javits Center. The roads are long and wide. Lots of cars are driving by, especially Taxis and Ubers. Barely anyone else is around. It’s cold.
A girl walks towards her work with a full heavy backpack, a wig and a hat on, and she is speaking on the phone. She is rushing and sweating. She is sniffling.
WORKER
Hi, David! I’m actually running super late, could we meet at like… 9:30?
Pause, Listens to David
Yeah, yeah, everything is fine, everything is fine. Just thinking a lot about the erotics of class ascendency, and true love, and moral respectability… (Daydreaming, sexy voice)
Pause
What, what? Oh no no sorry, Oh, nothing, nothing, sorry, I’ve just had a crazy day, coming from class and art stuff. I’ve still been experiencing those symptoms the past few weeks. I mean I have been for a few years now as you know but like, much worse this week. But it’s okay, we can still meet up, everything is crazy anyway.
Pause, Listens to David
No, no, I know that I need to get them checked out again, but when I did the doctor was like, this is some new form of COVID or something, I don’t know what to do with you, and he told me to take some women’s multivitamins. But all of my friends are experiencing the same stuff, so I don’t know! We’ve just been joking and calling it “~*STRIPPER COVID*~”. Yeah, it’s all of us who worked before we got fully vaccinated. AND on all of the reddit forums, I’ve been reading that we all like, experience the same symptoms, but with varying degrees kind of. Like, especially all of the dancers in Vegas who worked at Little Darlings, the club that was offering Coronavirus free lapdances. You remember? The image with the dancer holding toilet paper and a mask that I showed you? They are all pretty sick.
Pause, Listens to David
Yeah no it’s like the same stuff, like my eyes are yellow-y and sometimes green, and my teeth hurt, and idk, other stuff too, like Some Monkeypox adjacent symptoms, with my skin, but you can’t totally see it all the time. I mean, you remember how afraid I was of Monkeypox, oh god.
Pause, Listens to David
But I didn’t want to cancel on you again because it has been a few weeks, so let’s just have fun tonight! I’ll get a red bull and some wine and I got a new outfit! I’m still walking there, and I’m almost there, and then I’ll get ready real quick and you can come!
Pause, Listens to David, but stops, (confused)
Oh, oh that’s so weird, um…I just saw this Taxi… and…. I thought I just saw something… weird… it's probably just like, my crazy brain symptoms. It’s okay! It’s okay. Haha.
Pause, Listens to David
(shocked, exasperated)
WAIT… NO, WAIT, I DID JUST SEE WHAT I SAW. I just saw one of those Taxi ads, you know those Taxi ads with “FLASHDANCERS” on it, I mean I’ve been seeing them since I was like, a little kid…there is “FLASHDANCERS” in big letters and like a woman next to it. It’s usually the same woman, or it has been for a while but formerly FLASHDANCERS was New York Dolls, I mean you know I used to work at Dolls, EVIL DOLLS, yea lots of messed up stuff, and I remember that Taxi for DOLLS had a blonde woman BUUUUT the updated signage has a mousy brunette one. Anyway, anyway I actually read that in 2011 the Taxi and Limousine commission held a hearing that resulted in new regulations - being that drivers have the right to not have sexy ads on their Taxis. They used to have no say at all. It offended the moral values of several drivers, and some just didn’t want any ads at all, but they do get paid an extra $125 a month to have the ads (I mean that info is from 2011, so I’m not sure how much they get paid now, maybe $300). Um, but One driver passionately argued that having the Flashdancers Gentlemen’s Club ad on top of his Taxi resulted in his 6 year old granddaughter saying she wanted to be a FlashDancer when she grew up. Hahaha.
Pause, Listens to David
But Anyway, ANYWAY, the point is I just saw one of those Taxi ads for FLASHDANCERS but it had a child on it, like a smiling kid with his thumbs up. I thought it was like, “~*STRIPPER COVID*~” hallucinating or something, but I saw two Taxis, two of them with the FLASHDANCERS like, text and font, but with thumbs up kids, an image of thumbs up kids.
Pause, Listens to David
I’m just going to keep walking, yeah no I’m walking, you know, near Hudson Yards, um….OH MY GOD I JUST SAW ANOTHER ONE. AND, WAIT, THEY OPENED A LITTLE DARLINGS HERE?! I just saw a Little Darlings one. I thought those clubs were only in Vegas and Baltimore, or maybe a few other states but not here. But this one had some smaller text underneath. I didn’t catch it. Hold on, sorry for the beeping cars, sorry if that’s loud, um, I’m seeing a new one drive by…one sec….one sec… IT SAYS LITTLE DARLINGS CHILDCARE LEARNING CENTER. WHAT. WHAT THE HELL! Oh my gosh.
Pause, Listens to David
Okay I’m just, okay let me just keep walking to work, okay, I’m sweating and it’s almost 9 o'clock and I can’t wait to see you…but OH GOD WHAT? Okay, You know that first giant billboard on the way to work? The huge one? USUALLY IT HAS THE HUSTLERS SIGN, YEAH THE PLACE WE USED TO MEET BEFORE THE OWNERS CHANGED, WITH THE NICE BIG COUCHES, THE HUSTLERS CLUB AD, BUT IT IS AN IMAGE OF A BUNCH OF CHILDREN AND IT SAYS LITTLE HUSTLERS, A TUTORING CENTER FOR K-12. Okay, okay, what has happened in the past few weeks while I’ve been extra sick! I have to check the other big billboard, the one closer to work, the one usually advertising PUMPS, I’m walking faster now. I’m walking faster now. Yeah, even though I’m soooo sore from working out so hard, I didn’t have time for a snack before work, you don’t have to bring me anything though it’s okay, it’s okay, but YEAH WAIT - OKAY, THAT OTHER BIG BILLBOARD THAT USED TO BE FOR PUMPS, you know, YEAH PUMPS IN BROOKLYN, no i never worked there but I have friends there- it IS BECOMING PUMPS IT UP BOUNCE HOUSE. Okay! We just… idk. do not worry, the world is just crazy again. I have to hurry up, and fix my hair, and fix my makeup, and I cannot wait to show you my new outfit! A new dress…it’s pink :)<3
Pause, Listens to David
I’m almost at work. I’m almost there…um…the….the… uh, the outside also looks a little bit different…. the fencing is gone…. and the graffiti on the outside of the building…isn’t there anymore….and I don’t see the guards outside… and now work… it’s now, like, bright yellow, like painted a bright yellow?
David, David David David… Work…. I think it’s….I think it is gone. It’s completely gone. This is a daycare center now, a fun house. I can see the indoor playground through the windows. I see a teddy bear animatronic. Work is gone. It’s not there anymore.
Pause
This short play-in-progress is based on an ongoing research project archiving strip club signage and ephemera from the pandemic, and thinking through the effects of COVID, five years later, on workers who put themselves at risk. The club “Little Darlings” in Baltimore closed shortly after the pandemic and became “Little Darlings Childcare Learning Center.” Taxi drivers in 2011 did petition to have a choice in whether or not they wanted racy ads; they still have that choice. The club that I worked in during the pandemic is still open, and is still a club for adult entertainment. A study published in the journal Archives of Sexual Behavior and made accessible through the National Library of Medicine’s PubMed Central database found that COVID-19 lockdown led to many negative emotional states and exacerbated existing mental health problems for informal affective workers. But, more positively, participants also named a number of coping strategies which helped them during the pandemic, including use of humor, irony, positive thinking, hope, religiosity, and communicating with loved ones.
